my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
