That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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