there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
