considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
