I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
