i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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