I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
