You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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