This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
