just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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