i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
