I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
