it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
