Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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