So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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