she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
