When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
