Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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