I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
