New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
