I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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