Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
