It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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