I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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