im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
