There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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