How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I deserve this hangover.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
