sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I will pee on everything he values.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
