I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
