I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
