just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
