Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
