if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
