How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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