i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
