Me. At least after what I've been through.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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