I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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