If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
