So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
