My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
