I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
