May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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