You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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