Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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