So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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