you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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