; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
