It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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