I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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