How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
