i jhust puked up my retainher.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
