If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
